Reports of an alarming number of newfound artists have surfaced all over small town Ontario. These artists are, by majority, middle-aged women. The cause of this unprecedented rise in the number of real life artists living amongst us is still unconfirmed.

A recent study suggests this may be the result of the women having attended a Paint Nite session in their local town. There also appears to be a direct correlation between Paint Nite and the consumption of red wine.

Many of the artists explained they believe Paint Nite was indeed the catalyst that unearthed their talents that they have actually possessed their entire lives. It appears that all they simply needed was a two hour female bonding session fueled by red wine. Newfound artist, Jeannie De Lange revealed that she feels grateful for the class that exposed such a unique gift, “I have always felt an incredibly strong pull to the arts and now I finally know why,” she proclaimed. “It was because I am actually a real artist.”

A closer examination of these Paint Nite sessions revealed that each class produced roughly twenty-five real, actual artwork paintings all eerily similar, and all painted by accomplished artists who had never practiced their craft before. An onlooker explained to us, “I am certain these women are actually talented painters. Otherwise, there would simply be no explanation for them to feel the need to give these masterpieces as gifts to people they actually care about…and then request their artwork be displayed in the living room.”

As popularity of Paint Nites increases, local galleries have been experiencing a higher than normal volume of inquiries about gallery rentals. “I have visited Europe, you know, where there’s art. And not until now, could I really connect with that art. When I paint my masterpieces I now know how accomplished da Vinci must have felt. I feel a staggering amount of accomplishment and pride to be able to share my gift with the world,” explained Sally Jenkins as she put her autographed colouring books on eBay.

When questioned about his role in creating a staggering amount of real life artists one Paint Nite instructor claimed, “I am an OCAD student looking for a job to repay my student loan. Anyone can paint a sunset. Also, there is clearly a penis in every one of these paintings.”

These Paint Nite attendees have unearthed their real talent and now the general public must contend with their identical paintings of sunsets being hung in living rooms across the nation.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.