A confused Canadian woman went missing yesterday, according to Kitchener police. She was last seen aimlessly looking to cast her vote for Hillary.

Decked out in “I’m with her” pins, a proud smile, and a piece of paper with just the word “Her” crudely scribbled on it, Sandra Marino supposedly headed to the polls, ready to help make a woman the leader of the free world.

While many Canadian feminists have expressed distaste for Trump, and that they would feel proud to see a woman in the oval office, there seem to be a select few that don’t fully understand that they are not eligible to vote. Sandra Marino of Kitchener Ontario seems to be one of them. Her sibling, Aly Marino, has reportedly been concerned about this happening for months. “My sister and I have always been very invested in politics. Of course I don’t want to see Trump in office. The well-being of America is important for Canada, and it would just be a moral loss to see a bigoted potato as president. But Sandra took it about twenty steps too far.”

Aly reportedly began to worry about her sister after Clinton’s email controversy in March. “Sandra had been posting on Facebook furiously every day until then, but after the email leaks her posts stopped. I thought maybe she had just given up. It turned out that she was taking a very basic week-long IT class for children. I’m still not really sure what she was planning on doing with it. She kept saying it was to ‘Help Hillary’ but why would Hillary hire a Canadian woman with no IT experience to handle the scandal?”

Sandra’s family and friends are growing concerned for her safety. “We don’t want her to be alone if, G-d forbid, Trump wins,” says her sister. “She wouldn’t take that news very well. I’m worried she would try and find an online course on ‘Covert Presidential Assassinations’ and that alone might get her put on trial for treason.”

Based on a tip from Sandra’s family, police are currently searching craft stores and the Canadian-American border. “I’m quite sure she’s either trying to take her bogus voting slip across the border, or crafting friendship bracelets for herself and Hillary. She does that when she’s spun out too far and needs to calm down.”

 

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