Dear Expert,

It’s been 6 months since I started dating this guy. Let’s call him Peter since his real name, Bozo, makes me shiver. Peter and I have been having a lot of fun together and he is the sweetest person I know but every time we go to bed together I fear he will put on a clown mask, grab a medieval weapon and terrorize me in my sleep. Am I dating one of Toronto’s creepy clowns?

I am probably overreacting but there have been some signs, and as much as I’ve tried to ignore them, they now seem too evident to let them slip by. For example, on our first date he took me to a puppet show. At first I thought “Oh! He’s so creative and in touch with his inner child,” but as soon as he started repeating all of the dialogue and laughing maniacally, I felt something wasn’t totally right.

The first two months were great; all normal hangouts like going to the movies, having drinks and the occasional visit to Ronald McDonald House. Third month: not so great. That’s when he started coming back home with leaves and traces of white makeup all over him. Whenever I asked him where he had been, he would just lure me into bed, which he accidentally misplaced in the woods.

Is it me, Expert? Am I just scared that for the first time I am in a healthy relationship that doesn’t involve a magician or a car salesman? Am I so afraid to fall in love with someone who actually wants to spend time with kids, even if some of them end up missing? Maybe I should commit to Peter and just accept love and terror in my life for once.

Please advise,


Dear Andrea,

We have all been in your situation. Sometimes we think we are dating clowns, some days we think our boyfriends are secretly gay or they have a second family, but it turns out that you are the third family. Trust me, it’s all in our heads.

When a man loves a woman, something inside him changes. I have studied the biology behind it and I also have an online degree in Psychology so trust me when I say this to you: Bozo seems to be the kind of man that wants to explore his theatrical skills when he’s with you. Others like to surround themselves with women from the office, some like to buy guns; it’s just human nature and we as women must accept it.

If you want this relationship to work, you must accept him “just as he is” and that’s a quote from Bridget Jones Diary. Do you know where Bridget is right now? Having babies! That could be you and Bozo if you gave your man have a break and let him do what he’s supposed to do. So what if he is a scary clown? To me, that means my boyfriend has a hobby, a passion, internet fame, and enough money to afford clown outfits. That’s more than I can say for any of my exes.

The Expert of Love

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