On Tuesday, Mississauga native Jim Coelho, a scary clown, was allegedly abducted from his post behind Barondale Public School by a well-meaning ringleader referred to only as The Ringleader. “I thought he was one of our guys and had wandered off. He cut me up pretty good with his rusty gardening shears but you know how clowns are.”

Coelho was given a rubber chicken in exchange for his shears and inserted into the evening’s performance. “By showtime we knew we’d made a mistake but we need guys, so we stuck him in. All the clowns are going scary these days, but I saw potential. And he knocked it out of the park,” said The Ringleader, who is currently under investigation for possible kidnapping charges.

The circus, operated by Big Top Pop LLC, is in Mississauga until November 15th, when it heads south to Athens, Georgia for the colder months. Authorities are closely monitoring the situation. “We’re still unclear as to what kind of circumstances we’re dealing with. If they try to take him across the border then we’ll know for sure. We don’t want to reach out to him just yet because we don’t really want to talk to a scary clown, even if right now he’s playing a friendly clown,” said Constable Martina Cortez of the Peel Regional Police. “Our hands are tied.”

Coelho is currently unavailable for comment. Friends and family were, “kind of weirded out by the scary clown thing,” and don’t seem to mind his disappearance.

Corey Kruger, principal of Barondale Public School, said, “That guy should have been locked up months ago. He’s hanging out daily with rusty garden shears behind a school where children play. I hope he dies.”

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