Canada’s old people re-thinking heading South for the winter 

Following last month’s election of Donald Trump as president, many of Canada’s old people are re-thinking their trip south. Canada has a long history of its elderly making their annual pilgrimage to Florida when the temperatures drop here in the Great North.

Thousands of Canadian seniors are considering staying home this winter in order to avoid having to live in what some are referring to as “a garbage state”, otherwise known as Florida. Many old people are not certain if they will be able to handle living amongst Trump supporters now that he is president. When interviewed about her reasoning, Bernice Sutherland explained, “Just because I’m an older lady, doesn’t mean I’m racist. After all, my granddaughter married an ethnic.”

A fear is growing amongst the snowbirds that should they make their way south, they will be mistaken for Trump supporters. Their age makes them more susceptible to being considered a Trump fan. Eunice DeLange of Fredericton, NB, explained her concern, explaining, “we can blend in, I like visors and cat laden tee shirts as much as the next old person, so what if I am mistaken for someone who admires Trump? I knew he was bad news, but when he said pussy to that Billy whats-his-face from the Hollywood program, you know, with the celebrities? – well I knew for sure he was a bad man. You can’t trust people who use such vulgar language.”

Old people flocking to Florida are urged to avoid wearing red baseball hats and remove any sassy gun-related bumper stickers from their golf carts as they drive through their senoirs’ village. Should Canadian seniors encounter groups of old people Trump supporters and cannot escape, the Canadian Travel Advisory suggests citing a love for the good ol’ days and a desire to de-fund Planned Parenthood.

Gerald MacLean of Sudbury, ON explained that, he could handle the chatter of Trump supporters for the past two years, “I’m only a casual racist, so I just don’t know if I am willing to hear about how great of a president he is over shuffleboard for the next four months.” Betty MacLean, his wife of fifty two years explained a similar reasoning, citing an inability to be around Geraldine and hear one more blessed story about how her grandson was on the campaign trail. The downside of not leaving the country is that the couple, like many Canadian snowbirds in this unfortunate predicament, may be in Canada for Christmas and have to spend it with their son-in-law’s parents.

Numbers of old people leaving the cold behind for warmer weather are expected to drop this year as Trump Nation comes into full effect in January of 2017. Many seniors are looking into alternative warm climates to winter, with Mexico being high on the list. Many are still not sold as it is, “very Mexican”. We will continue to bring you the up to the minute news on this very serious matter troubling Canada’s oldies.

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