This Monday, the Canadian Parliament approved a new law that prohibits slow walkers from procreating, eliminating the “sloth gene” from human evolution.

The agreement is the result of months of protests and street riots demanding the Canadian government do something about this unpopular specimen that slows down life in every possible way.

MP Markena Menchu, who backed the deal inside the Parliament, commented, “This is a step forward in getting rid of slow walkers everywhere. Our Canadian society values a fast-paced culture and it was about time we did something about it.”

Junina Felpers, one of the many victims of slow walking agrees, “I am so happy justice was finally served. I lost everything because of a slow walker couple – the worst kind in my opinion. They blocked my way into the subway with their slow motion walking and I missed my train, which led me to lose my job, which led me to lose my husband and children, which led me to lose all of my Air Miles.”

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