It started like any other Bumble date. We’d been chatting regularly and he seemed like such a sweet human. I was excited to meet him and had my hopes up that he’d be as lovely in person as through text. Turns out he was – and he’s even more beautiful in person!
We met for dinner, dinner turned into drinks and then we ended up going to a concert. Things were going really well. Like, really well. Who was this charming yet not smarmy human I had found? Anyways, he ended up coming back to my place and that’s where the night took a turn. See, I never expect the guy to actually be great in person. Sure, I do my hair and make an attempt to look cute, just in case he turns out to be worth seeing again. But I’m kind of skeptical. So anyways, I never in a million years thought I’d need to clean up my bed.
We started on the couch and as things progressed, we headed to my bedroom. And then it happened. Things had gotten so heated and I forgot to tidy up. There he was, naked on top of me, when he reached for a pillow for me – so generous – and then he found them. My bed chips. You know, the chips everyone keeps under their pillow for late night Netflix? Well I was completely mortified. I panicked and made a weird noise that could only be described as a “who put those there, I’ve never seen that half-eaten bag of chips in my life” kind of sound. I thought he would be weirded out and maybe leave. Or want to talk about why I keep snack foods at such close proximity whilst sleeping. Nah, he still wanted to have sex.
But then after, it got kind of tricky. See, he was really into some post-coital snacking, if you will. And now I don’t know if I see this going somewhere. Like, he’s amazing and funny and so good in bed – but am I really ready to share my bed chips? This could be a deal breaker. What do I do???