A new study published by “We Make Studies Monthly” reveals that 40% of men can’t get off to a picture of a naked women unless they know that a minimum of three of their buddies are also currently masturbating.

The study publishers noticed this phenomenon whereby they would receive a photo of a naked woman from their buddy with a caption to the effect of “yo, check this out: Tina JUST sent me this naked pic of her.”  One publisher wondered why these men weren’t just enjoying the picture, in the privacy of their home, with a lit candle and a glass of hot milk or whatever the fuck men do to prepare for masturbation. He began to probe: “hi Ben. thanks for this hot pic of Tina. good stuff. Why r u sending this to me? ” In 100% of cases, the men replied “i dunno man, just jerk off to it and let me know when you’re done.”

The study publishers wanted to probe deeper, to discover why deep violations of privacy are hotter than nude women. They collected a sample of 100 men. They found that 40% of these men frequently spread pictures of naked women around without their consent. Of these 40%, 100% said that they cannot get hard unless an average of 3 of their buddies are hard at the same time. The researchers had these participants fill out a comprehensive questionnaire, and discovered that in fact all of these men actually share penis power in groups of approximately four. That is to say, in this population, four men comprise the thinking and penis power of one normal man. What does this mean for science? Penises are ridiculous.

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