A defective bride was found late Sunday afternoon wandering the King and Portland bakery, Forno Cultura. Sources say she was stable, but many witnesses are doubting her mental capacity, as she was seen handling carbs and seemed to show intent to purchase.

The bride-to-be was later identified as Sandra Reyes, 27, originally of Ottawa. She will be wed this summer, but many are questioning if it will actually happen. One friend who wished to remain anonymous explained, “she’s getting married – supposedly – but she’s not acting like a real bride. She hasn’t started dieting yet.”

Sadly there appears to have been a mal-function with Reyes’ brain chemistry. The diet that is naturally activated in any bride as soon as an engagement ring is placed on the ring finger seems to have short circuited.

“It’s kind of scary, really. She seems almost, I dunno, happy with how she looks. Maybe even just happy in general. She seems to not think she needs to adhere to the rules for brides-to-be,” commented Michele Denvers, an engaged co-worker who dutifully reported that she is now in week 7 of bootcamp, as she consumed a single piece of celery.

Reports have surfaced that Reyes, the defective bride has yet to even mention a bootcamp and shockingly, continues to eat carbs despite everyone asking her when she is going to start dieting. Disturbingly, Reyes also seems to have shown an unfounded amount of self-confidence despite everyone asking her about her unmentioned intentions to modify her bodily appearance for one day of her life.

Thankfully, Reyes was returned safely to her apartment on Dundas West that she shares with her fiance. The fiance was reportedly unaware of her absence, as he was with ‘the boys’ drinking beer, eating chips, chicken wings, potato skins, fries, pizzas, and other caloric treats.


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