Gals, Easter is fast approaching and with all this egg talk, we thought you may need a distraction from being reminded of your own unused, unfertilized eggs. You’re so welcome.

1) Egg hunt. Take a break from hunting for commitment and opt for eggs instead. Their delicious chocolatey goodness on Easter morning will provide a necessary sugar rush to make you feel like you’re happy. Just keep eating them all day to avoid that afternoon crash where your lack of potential life partners is sure to surface.

2) Egg decorating. We’re talking glitter, decoupage, bedazzles, tassels. All the crafts. Take an afternoon to craft some decorative eggs and let that ticking clock be your craft timer.3) Easter brunch. Eggs are delicious even if they’re not made of sugar. Opt for an Easter brunch with your fam. When your mom asks when she’s going to be a grandmother, just focus on those eggs on your plate and make a non-passive-agressive sound like “mmmmmmmmmm” just long enough so that everyone has forgotten what the question was and you’re just back to thinking about that delicious eggs benny with a side of subtlety.

4) Egg your ex’s car. The most under-appreciated Easter activity, this one is less cals than eating the sugary eggs that steal this holiday spotlight – not to mention a lot more cathartic. You could even combine this with activity number two. Because glitter also looks fun on the side of a car.

5) Raise the egg as your own child, send it to the best daycare, buy it a pony, send it to college, walk it down the aisle, and then enjoy life as a grandmother when it has egg-children. Don’t underestimate the ability to make inanimate objects take on the needs of your aging desires.

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