Hey, don’t you dare give me that look. I’ve always, and I mean it, ALWAYS taken my previsions and go to the ladies room after I get stuffed, only this time I was very tired and unintentionally fell asleep while waiting for him to bring me some napkins to.. you know… do my thing where I awkwardly walk to the washroom with a stack of paper towels against my crutch in an effort to avoid any spills on the floor.

After I woke up I realized, 1 how dry semen smelled, and 2 that I hadn’t peed.

It’s too late now. The time has come for me to go to a different place. A place where cranberry juice is at my disposal at any given moment. A time where I won’t leave my room unless I am certain that there will be a clean washroom nearby. A place I hope you never get to know.

Goodbye.

Originally published Mar 28, 2017.

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