So you called your bank to complain about their atrocious “non funds” fees and you’re on the phone with Jeffrey. You’re having an argument with him when suddenly he pops the question “Excuse me ma’am, but maybe I can speak to your husband and explain this to him?”

Here are a few alter egos you can assume to continue having a lovely conversation with Jefferson:

1. Bobby, picture Kevin James on every movie

The great thing about playing Bobby is that he’s lovable, sweet and not one bit intimidating so Geoffrey can still feel his huge balls when he’s talking to you. Bobby and Jefrite will have baseball in common so this is going to be F U N.

2. Chucho, the Colombian musician

Although Chucho, doesn’t speak a word of English, his music talents speak for himself. Jefferardo is going to be a lucky guy when he explains all the bank’s regulations to Chucho, who can clearly comprehend everything now because he has a Spanish huevo.

3. Michael Jackson

Try to mix it up! Michael Jackson may not sound very masculine over the phone, but he has all the requirements Jerfer is looking for. I mean he has a penis, two balls and zero vaginas.

4. Jeffrey, the bastard who you’re speaking to

Jeffrey should meet his other half, his alter ego, his impersonator: you.

You’ve met lots of Jeffreys in your life so you know this character really well. If he doesn’t understand what you’re saying, ask him to put his wife on the phone, I’m sure she’ll get it. Oh right, Jeffrey is all alone in this world.

Since this article was written, Jeffrey has received two promotions, has had two babies and is now running for CEO at a telecommunications company.

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