After what has felt like decades of me tweeting daily about the oppressive practices of Big Chips, I have finally been liberated! I can finally breathe because soon, I will be able to eat my favorite flavourful, crunchy treat without those elite features like seasoning and crispiness. Soon, I’ll be able to be a true lady. Soon, I will be able to swipe on Tinder without getting that annoying sticky sweet chili heat residue on my touch screen.

This is what the suffrage was about! Having to get up to wash my hands after trying to sneak in a quick snack has been the true suffering. I can’t wait for these new soggy corn husks to hit the shelves — that is when the real women’s march will begin. I mean this is what we have been fighting for! Lays already has given us ladies the right to vote on their quirky flavour contests (maple moose would be much tastier on soggy corn husks, just saying). Equality has been achieved and our voices have been hear. I just hope that they’ll be 30% cheaper than regular Doritos so my poor little female salary can afford to up my indulgence!


Written by Sarah Toole

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