Anonymous, Author at UNoriginal

Finally there’s a chip light enough for my weak lady hands to lift

February 6, 2018

After what has felt like decades of me tweeting daily about the oppressive practices of Big Chips, I have finally been liberated! I can finally breathe because soon, I will be able to eat my favorite flavourful...

I really can’t stay, but baby there’s a thermonuclear war outside

Anonymous

January 4, 2018

Toronto

The world is literally on fire and political tensions are rising. With the winter season upon us and the snow beginning to fall, it’s important to think about unsafe outdoor conditions. When the Bing Crosby to ...

5 Things only people with two moles under their right elbow will understand

Anonymous

May 19, 2017

Health

If you only have one mole under your right elbow, you can't even begin to comprehend these things the two-mole-ers just get. 1) The smell of a meadow after a summer's rain. That second mole really allows the...

Beyoncé is forming a human pyramid scheme

Anonymous

May 14, 2017

Entertainment

Ever notice that Beyoncé keeps adding an extra baby to each pregnancy? First she had daughter Poison Ivey (check that name is correct) and now she is pregnant with twins! Rumour has it that Beyoncé is going to ...

Girl swears she took selfie to show viewers something in the background

Anonymous

April 16, 2017

Relationships

When Kaylee Winterstock, a tall blond bombshell who’s “literally never had acne in entire life” posted a selfie on Instagram, her followers went nuts. The image gives viewers a close-up of Winterstock’s baby b...

Teen pop sensation Jason Finkleman-Timberlake writes new song about his girlfriend’s… intelligence?

Anonymous

March 18, 2017

Entertainment

America’s hottest new superstar, singer-songwriter Jason Finkleman-Timberlake, has just released his latest single “I Wanna Go Down on Your Intellect.” The song is reportedly about Finkleman-Timberlake’s girlfr...

Dear Women: Can you make your orgasms sound a BIT more pleasurable? Sincerely, a guy who’s ACTUALLY trying to cum

Anonymous

March 5, 2017

Relationships

Hey women what’s up, Okay so here’s the deal. According to science/research women have more trouble than men achieving orgasm during intercourse lol. As a dude who totally supports feminism and female stuff ...

You won’t believe these celebrities’ final words!

Anonymous

February 1, 2017

Entertainment

The current state of American politics has affected the world in devastating and unknowable ways and the lives of millions of innocent people have been turned upside down. Now, more than ever, we must create an...

Dear Expert: My SO has dietary restrictions, should I kill him?

Anonymous

January 13, 2017

Relationships

Dear Expert, I just started dating this SUPER AMAZINGLY average looking guy and I really think it could go somewhere. He’s 28, is sometimes a lot of fun, has a SICK tattoo of a cat mid-purr on his upper thig...

Aww! This guy made the sweetest viral video to propose anal

Anonymous

January 4, 2017

Relationships

Steve Kinders is being recognized as a local hero after putting a wildly popular video on YouTube, in which he popped the question re: “popping her butt cherry”, as he so eloquently expressed. The video, which...

Local scary clown mistaken for friendly clown; held by circus against will

Woman amputates and deports 10% of her body upon receiving Ancestry DNA results

Sad Sam and Honey finally prescribed antidepressants

Extreme cold weather biker grows massive balls, wins society’s respect and admiration

We found all the sleeves from sleeveless shirts and you’ll be SHOCKED at what they’re up to now

Murderers have more fun, study shows

(Classifieds) For sale: 87 butter packets, unopened

How many years of acting weird is considered too long for him to finally ask what's wrong?

“I can’t really complain, my boyfriend clips his own toenails”

Family Day is the best day to tell your kids you’re getting divorced, according to study

The sexiest ways to unleash the rest of your personality this valentine’s day

5 Signs your valentine could be The One

4 Date ideas to trap him into committing this Valentine’s

Non-verbal cues are impossible to read, unless I’m in my improv class

Four books I pretended to read so that I could fuck people in libraries

Seven reasons why Tom Hanks’ backyard social was the worst of the year so far

Five celebrities I’ve blackmailed ranked in order of how negatively it affected my friendship with them

Brutal true crimes stories that will make you say “Richard Belzer still gets a lot of work”

17 innocuous yet eloquent things to say while watching the Olympics

50 Shades of Grey, or my experience painting an asylum

Celebrity couple gives birth to baby boy, through tandem vaginas

Canadians cancel Canada 150 mere two weeks into 2017

11 Toronto squirrels that are absolutely killing it on Instagram right now

Extreme cold weather biker grows massive balls, wins society’s respect and admiration

ISO: Tokens. Trading: Womb to grow 3 babies

5 things to do in Toronto if you’re fucking a real life grandpa

5 things to look at during the no-pants subway ride that won’t make you seem like a pervert

I really can’t stay, but baby there’s a thermonuclear war outside

Finally there’s a chip light enough for my weak lady hands to lift

I really can’t stay, but baby there’s a thermonuclear war outside

Beyoncé is forming a human pyramid scheme

Teen pop sensation Jason Finkleman-Timberlake writes new song about his girlfriend’s… intelligence?

Dear Women: Can you make your orgasms sound a BIT more pleasurable? Sincerely, a guy who’s ACTUALLY trying to cum

Dear Expert: My SO has dietary restrictions, should I kill him?

Aww! This guy made the sweetest viral video to propose anal

Author Anonymous