Josh Kestenberg, Author at UNoriginal

Horoscopes are made up to prey upon your sense of hope and wonder

January 2, 2017

This weekend, Canada's top astrologist, Carly Starmichael, was in Toronto for a conference on the position of Pluto in the night sky relative to the shadow cast by Stonehenge at dawn. It was here that she spil...

Twenty-six year old female is certain she is sixty

Josh Kestenberg

December 5, 2016

News

Ishalla Sharu, 26, of Vancouver, BC, has been hounding her mother for a copy of her birth certificate for weeks. Her driver’s licence indicates her year of birth to have been 1990, but she remains unconvinced....

Local scary clown mistaken for friendly clown; held by circus against will

Josh Kestenberg

November 25, 2016

News

On Tuesday, Mississauga native Jim Coelho, a scary clown, was allegedly abducted from his post behind Barondale Public School by a well-meaning ringleader referred to only as The Ringleader. “I thought ...

Neighbour makes cheeky quip about unseasonable weather

Josh Kestenberg

November 15, 2016

Toronto

“I had noticed that I’d been sweating a little bit in my fall coat.” The words of a man trying to pick up the pieces. “He’d only said it in passing but it was right on the nose. I couldn’t believe it.” On...

Two women wounded at club but still no answer as to whose song it was

Woman amputates and deports 10% of her body upon receiving Ancestry DNA results

Sad Sam and Honey finally prescribed antidepressants

Extreme cold weather biker grows massive balls, wins society’s respect and admiration

We found all the sleeves from sleeveless shirts and you’ll be SHOCKED at what they’re up to now

Murderers have more fun, study shows

(Classifieds) For sale: 87 butter packets, unopened

Mommy blogger gives Elf on the Shelf black eye to teach children valuable lesson

“I can’t really complain, my boyfriend clips his own toenails”

Family Day is the best day to tell your kids you’re getting divorced, according to study

The sexiest ways to unleash the rest of your personality this valentine’s day

5 Signs your valentine could be The One

4 Date ideas to trap him into committing this Valentine’s

Non-verbal cues are impossible to read, unless I’m in my improv class

Rachel, lone Jew who controls the media, really fucked up

Seven reasons why Tom Hanks’ backyard social was the worst of the year so far

Five celebrities I’ve blackmailed ranked in order of how negatively it affected my friendship with them

Brutal true crimes stories that will make you say “Richard Belzer still gets a lot of work”

17 innocuous yet eloquent things to say while watching the Olympics

50 Shades of Grey, or my experience painting an asylum

Celebrity couple gives birth to baby boy, through tandem vaginas

5 things to look at during the no-pants subway ride that won't make you seem like a pervert

11 Toronto squirrels that are absolutely killing it on Instagram right now

Extreme cold weather biker grows massive balls, wins society’s respect and admiration

ISO: Tokens. Trading: Womb to grow 3 babies

5 things to do in Toronto if you’re fucking a real life grandpa

I really can’t stay, but baby there’s a thermonuclear war outside

I went to a warehouse party this New Year’s Eve but ended up competing in a game to the death put on by rich people

Horoscopes are made up to prey upon your sense of hope and wonder

Twenty-six year old female is certain she is sixty

Local scary clown mistaken for friendly clown; held by circus against will

Neighbour makes cheeky quip about unseasonable weather

Author Josh Kestenberg